Chiba's Confession

"At work, I also faced another kind of equal dread. Aghast at the incessant oppression, banishment and merciless vituperation, somewhere deep down in my heart, I longed for something I could rightfully claim as my own. I actually even imagined owning an intellectual property or a trademark solely to my very own name -- Something that nobody could question, lay claim to, or hold sway over. The thought felt rather promising at first. Suddenly, I secretly desired to be the sole captain, commander, chief and director of my own vessel, even if it were just a tiny puny vessel. The feeling of being in control of my own destiny tickled me as I savored the mere thought of it. However, being the nonconformist, maverick and free spirit I always been and would always be, my aspiration was never to be in trade, of which the mere term and
thought simply just made me feel apprehensive and tentative. While some people seemed to take it in their stride and conduct their trade like a breeze, others seemed to be floundering, struggling never-endingly, just trying to survive in the cutthroat, dog-eat-dog environment, maybe they unwittingly and unfavorably created for themselves or gotten into at a neck-breaking pace, which left them burned out, warped out, disillusioned and embittered. Maybe, perhaps that was what it was really

all about, so crushing and so brutal, the business world, maybe just that different people dealt with or greeted the same things differently, some able to manage with apparent ease while some others simply faltered. Otherwise, perhaps just that some are luckier than the others and it was probably destiny that bestowed upon them their dominion to rule and shine in what others might otherwise end up struggling and drowning in, just like the common saying: one man's meat is another man's poison, or more aptly put; one man's cradle is another man's crypt. Perhaps, I thought maybe I ought to surround myself with favorable conditions to make up for any shortfall while bringing out my strengths. Maybe, even create those favorable conditions myself if needs be, if I really had to. After all, I already come to accept that nothing would be presented to me anymore on a silver platter and if I really wanted something badly, I needed to conceive it, initiate it, create it, awaken the giant or whatever. Then when the opportunity for greatness ultimately present itself, seize it, chance upon it, exploit it or whatever, basically learning to be ambitious and be a go-getter. Like for instance, creating mobility if stability was unfeasible, uninteresting, too mundane and unbearable, developing a comprehensive and comprehensible system if dilemma anticipated, identifying requirement and working on it if the convention was already overly saturated and exhausted, try doing things creatively and extraordinarily if desire was never to be mind-numbing, minimal and ordinary, finding alternative methods of approach to achieve the same result if forte was never in direct approach, eliminating skepticism, uncertainty and doubt by being as true, open and transparent as possible, and eventually, creating safeguards or checks system if exploitation of unscrupulous, unoriginal and unethical copycats foreseen. Also maybe unless, I was able to look at it but not see it as what I always see it as, but instead construing it as an exquisite, beautiful, lovely little being that required constant care, nurturing, attention and love. After all, was that not what every life was all about? Besides, truelove could even move mountains, turning the biggest problems into the most insignificant, like what some used as illustration to highlight the importance of pursuing what one loved. Perhaps, might just work, I thought in evaluation, although there were still certain reservations in my mind. However, eventually resisting the far-out idea, I simply just ruled out the inept thought of it. At one point of time, I simply felt so woozy and whacked again with scorning and blaming fate and crossed with what life had to offer and being under its direct mercy and ruthless exploitation, I again began entertaining thoughts of turning the unachievable into actuality. However, faced with substantial cerebral and concrete obstacles, the entire plan simply appeared loop holed, flawed and unpromising, falling through yet again. That same rosy thought recur a couple more times after that. But eventually, i concluded it was just improbable as too many things were inhibiting and restraining me and the odds simply far outweighed everything else, and that I had no apparent idea or any clear direction of what I even wanted to do, where I was heading or how I wanted to execute it, and besides, I did not even have any resources. In totality, I finally concluded the idea was just too flimsy and just not viable or even possible at all, so ruling it out again for the final last time." --by Chiba during one of those really bewildering twilight with a sky filled with stars of a million different shapes & sizes, GO ChibaGO!

 hazelnut Xmas logcake by made by Joseph himself

Camera Mapping from Joseph Ng on Vimeo.

Salvador Dali's dream of a Virgin

Dream Caused by the Flight of a Bee around a Pomegranate a Second Before Awakening (1944) is a surrealist painting by Salvador Dalí.

Otto's Confessions

"A few years later, it felt as though eons had flashed by and it felt as if time had regenerated all wounds, so i assumed. By then, i had already  flourished into a matured and strapping young lad. Gone was
those wild days, but nonetheless, mere re-collection of the sweet good old days never failed to leave an impish grin on my face, there were good times too, i recalled, albeit also, an inkling of penitence and
melancholy. At the end of the day, i knew deep down that life still had to go on some how or other. In conjecture, i thought i was so over it and felt relieved that i no longer felt that way anymore.


Nevertheless, in what initially appeared to be like a sardonic stroke of doom, there it was again, its smooth titillating porcelain-like mien and dazzling timelessness of what was once my object of covetousness and gratification. With a dark raunchy and nubile silhouette casting a stunning contrast against shimmering ivory background, hot as could be, still, its lush, unrestrained, enigmatic and stirring demeanor melted straight away into sweet oblivion in my warm soft insides and also seethed away what felt like a decade long of agony, anguish and yearning for the inamorato i was brutally force to relinquish,   though the circumstances surrounding then was anything but impetuous  or foolish, although it may seemed to have appeared to be so. Instantaneously, I was
immediately able to recognize that sweet, lovely and extraordinary hint of tender sensuality, with an exquisite whiff of ultrafine bouquet that combined in ultimate synchronization with its original exotic come-hither quality. Purposefully encased in a
diaphanous scintillating patina of silvery gold and technicolors, it could only be god's gift to the whole of mankind! MM YUM


Suddenly, fighting back profuse tears of heartrending joy, with dumbfounded acuity, and as if in perpetual shock, i suddenly began to realize what had just happened, and what had been going on all this while! Right that very moment, I finally fathomed what truelove was!!! --it was a feeling so powerful that could withstand an eternity of
chastisement and yet would never croak. One may try to put it away, conceal it, or worse, repudiate it, but it would never disappear. It was a sacred incorporeal connection bound in perpetuity by faith and destiny and something that was infallible, inescapable and premeditated to happen when and only one's heart was opened enough to all its
possibilities in the purest, most unadulterated and in the most heartfelt and most sincere of intentions and desires.

Even though i tried casting it out of my mind all these years, alas, i had only managed to isolate all my feelings and numb off all my senses by filling the empty void with whatever substitutes, i thought, could replace or obliterate my unspeakable past. All this while, actually, i was just trying to chuck away my feelings by burying them so deep down in the infinite abyss of my heart, that it was in my hope, they would
never ever be recovered, then completely denying this all ever happened, so that nothing could ever hurt me so deeply again anymore. That was how i dealt with pain, uncertainties and my own obscure insecurities and inadequacies; the exact same ways most people dealt with theirs too.


Filled with mixed emotions from the fears of such astounding actualization, of which the consequences were still unfounded, together with the indescribable joy of the reunion, i suddenly felt a little lost and bewildered, wandering how i should actually go about from here and what to do next..

Nevertheless, eyes gleaming with distinct conflagration of passion once again, my adamant love and regard grew even stronger this time, hence, triggering off a whole new chain of natural actions and reactions, which naturally guided me in making the most pertinent assessment and resolution.

Before one could even say Jack Robinson, i was already hot on my toes on another bout of sizzling quest and pursuit to champion back my truelove, and salvage my happiness, hopefully for good this time!

Suddenly, more than ever before, i had found renewed confidence, self-belief, valiancy and vigor to go against even a thousand armies and fight a thousand battles and nothing seemed impossible for no distance seemed too far and no peak seemed too high or insurmountable, virtually anything and everything was feasible and that the insuperable seemed almost effortless, like absolute zilch.

In the twinkling of an eye, i was no longer disillusioned and the blinding smoke screen that had previously cast endless shadows of doubts and uncertainties upon my perplexed, unsettled and troubled thoughts instantaneously vanished into thin air. All of a sudden, the road ahead of me seemed to become clear as crystal. Simultaneously, the leaden load that seemed to have been weighing against my demoralized and trodden spirits all this while also seemed to have suddenly disappeared.


After all these years of living at the brink of sheer vacuity that nearly drove me to the verge of aberration, my life was once again filled with optimism and prospect for the future and i no longer felt the horrible way that i used to feel anymore. In fact, i felt just like a brand new man!!!

However, faced with the most malicious of skeptics, cynics and critics and confronted by the most devious and vicious of detractors,  i constantly felt as though prying painfully through this pitched dark, dampened,  tumultuous lair comprising of only low-lying thorny shrubs and creeping scrubs, sordid slimy slugs, hair-raising spine-chilling creepy crawlies, blood sucking leeches, menacing ticks and parasites,making my hellhole even deeper, even darker, even scarier.

I bemoaned every single breathing moment of it, constantly hoping to break out, to break free! However, it was as if fallen into quicksand, the more violently and desperately i struggled, the more rapidly and belligerently it engulfed me.

In one of the murkiest and most dreadful moments of my life, i suddenly recalled the stirring words of Helen Keller, who through her own moments of darkness and adversity went on to inspire others. Suddenly, she seemed like a beacon of hope on the other murky end of a dark, chilling tunnel, like the reverberating prop of my custodian cherub beckoning at me to keep pushing forward, and reminding me to keep my focus on my dreams, rather than on my excruciating pain.

In the rousing and echoing words of Helen, she said, 'One could never consent to creep when one had an impulse to soar.'  Those words landed upon me like a pile of bricks and such impact was something i never ever felt before my whole entire life when i first read it but now it suddenly strung a cord deep inside me. Thereafter, i simply just could not take my mind off those succinct but yet extremely powerful,compelling and profound words that seemed to have completely mercerized and possessed my every being, and infact in cogitation, i kept pondering nonstop over it.

Eventually, i went into what seemed to be like a state of rumination which seemed to last for perpetuity, ultimately leading to a sound and resolute decision of sorts, and suddenly, looking cool as cucumber, i knew i had it all finally figured out. Then i made a silent oath to myself that if i ever escaped out of all these well and alive i knew what was to be done and what had to be done, and this time, nothing would be able to stop me, change my mind, swerve or derail my course. Not even fate!"

3D Camera Projection Mapping: Salvador Dali's Dream of a virgin

Camera Projection from Joseph Ng on Vimeo.