Chiba's Confession

"At work, I also faced another kind of equal dread. Aghast at the incessant oppression, banishment and merciless vituperation, somewhere deep down in my heart, I longed for something I could rightfully claim as my own. I actually even imagined owning an intellectual property or a trademark solely to my very own name -- Something that nobody could question, lay claim to, or hold sway over. The thought felt rather promising at first. Suddenly, I secretly desired to be the sole captain, commander, chief and director of my own vessel, even if it were just a tiny puny vessel. The feeling of being in control of my own destiny tickled me as I savored the mere thought of it. However, being the nonconformist, maverick and free spirit I always been and would always be, my aspiration was never to be in trade, of which the mere term and
thought simply just made me feel apprehensive and tentative. While some people seemed to take it in their stride and conduct their trade like a breeze, others seemed to be floundering, struggling never-endingly, just trying to survive in the cutthroat, dog-eat-dog environment, maybe they unwittingly and unfavorably created for themselves or gotten into at a neck-breaking pace, which left them burned out, warped out, disillusioned and embittered. Maybe, perhaps that was what it was really

all about, so crushing and so brutal, the business world, maybe just that different people dealt with or greeted the same things differently, some able to manage with apparent ease while some others simply faltered. Otherwise, perhaps just that some are luckier than the others and it was probably destiny that bestowed upon them their dominion to rule and shine in what others might otherwise end up struggling and drowning in, just like the common saying: one man's meat is another man's poison, or more aptly put; one man's cradle is another man's crypt. Perhaps, I thought maybe I ought to surround myself with favorable conditions to make up for any shortfall while bringing out my strengths. Maybe, even create those favorable conditions myself if needs be, if I really had to. After all, I already come to accept that nothing would be presented to me anymore on a silver platter and if I really wanted something badly, I needed to conceive it, initiate it, create it, awaken the giant or whatever. Then when the opportunity for greatness ultimately present itself, seize it, chance upon it, exploit it or whatever, basically learning to be ambitious and be a go-getter. Like for instance, creating mobility if stability was unfeasible, uninteresting, too mundane and unbearable, developing a comprehensive and comprehensible system if dilemma anticipated, identifying requirement and working on it if the convention was already overly saturated and exhausted, try doing things creatively and extraordinarily if desire was never to be mind-numbing, minimal and ordinary, finding alternative methods of approach to achieve the same result if forte was never in direct approach, eliminating skepticism, uncertainty and doubt by being as true, open and transparent as possible, and eventually, creating safeguards or checks system if exploitation of unscrupulous, unoriginal and unethical copycats foreseen. Also maybe unless, I was able to look at it but not see it as what I always see it as, but instead construing it as an exquisite, beautiful, lovely little being that required constant care, nurturing, attention and love. After all, was that not what every life was all about? Besides, truelove could even move mountains, turning the biggest problems into the most insignificant, like what some used as illustration to highlight the importance of pursuing what one loved. Perhaps, might just work, I thought in evaluation, although there were still certain reservations in my mind. However, eventually resisting the far-out idea, I simply just ruled out the inept thought of it. At one point of time, I simply felt so woozy and whacked again with scorning and blaming fate and crossed with what life had to offer and being under its direct mercy and ruthless exploitation, I again began entertaining thoughts of turning the unachievable into actuality. However, faced with substantial cerebral and concrete obstacles, the entire plan simply appeared loop holed, flawed and unpromising, falling through yet again. That same rosy thought recur a couple more times after that. But eventually, i concluded it was just improbable as too many things were inhibiting and restraining me and the odds simply far outweighed everything else, and that I had no apparent idea or any clear direction of what I even wanted to do, where I was heading or how I wanted to execute it, and besides, I did not even have any resources. In totality, I finally concluded the idea was just too flimsy and just not viable or even possible at all, so ruling it out again for the final last time." --by Chiba during one of those really bewildering twilight with a sky filled with stars of a million different shapes & sizes, GO ChibaGO!

 hazelnut Xmas logcake by made by Joseph himself

Camera Mapping from Joseph Ng on Vimeo.

Salvador Dali's dream of a Virgin

Dream Caused by the Flight of a Bee around a Pomegranate a Second Before Awakening (1944) is a surrealist painting by Salvador Dalí.